Missing You

The sunlight shown through the curtain cascading its way up the bed and right into my face. I opened my eyes staring into his beautiful face. There was no denying it. I love this man. More than life itself. I continued to stare at him noticing that his leg was lying on top of mine. This man was so sensitive. This man. His freshly shave head, perfect nose, light brown body and gorgeous juicy lips. I couldn’t help it. I leaned in and kissed him. He woke with a smile.

“Hey baby,” I said in the sexiest voice possible.

“Hey”

I laid my head on his chest as he turned over on his back and wrapped his great big muscle arms around me. I can’t believe how safe and comfortable I feel in his arms. He kissed the top of my head, wild hair from the night before, and squeezed me tighter. This man.

“Danielle,” he said.

“Yes baby,” I said back.

“Danielle,” he said again.

I rose from his chest and looked at him.

“What Baby?”

“Danielle.”

I opened my eyes to my reality. My sister was standing in front of my bed fully dressed, looking down at me.

“Girl you better get up if you want to be to work on time,” she said.

“Darn,” I whispered with a sigh.

I dragged my butt out of bed thinking about the dream wishing it was a reality. Ashlynn was in the bathroom doing her hair in her normal old lawyer bun. I stumbled behind her turning on the curling iron and taking the wrap off my head.

“What time are you off work?” Ashlynn asked.

“I dreamed about him again,” I said ignoring her question.

She dropped her arms and looked at me with those pity eyes through the mirror. “Girl, you need to let him go.”

“I can’t help who I dream about.”

“True, but what you dream about is what you’re feeling subconsciously. It’s been too long for you to still feel this way. Richard has been dead for 2 years. Don’t you think it’s time to move on?”

I didn’t say anything. I knew she was right. Too much of my life has been spent dreaming and wishing. Wanting things to be different but how do you forget the one you lost? The one you promised to love forever. The one life that made you feel complete when you were with them.

I grabbed the comb and began to comb through the black puff on my head. My mind did nothing but race back to the time when he and I never strayed from each other. We’d been married for years but it only seemed like months. He called everyday at the same time to check on me and see how my day was going. It would make me smile to see his number. Everything he did made me smile. The last time I spoke to him he was just leaving work. I was getting ready because we had a dinner date, but it kept getting later and later. He’d never done anything like this before.

I called his phone but there was no answer. I became extremely worried not knowing what to expect or what to do. Two hours later my phone rang. It was the call I’ll never forget.

There was a terrible accident on the interstate. A car had collided with a semi truck. Both of the drivers died. I had to go to the hospital and claim the body. I prayed and prayed the entire drive to the hospital, hoping that it wasn’t him. It couldn’t be. Not my Richard.

A nurse met me at the doors and walked me to a window. They already had the person covered up in a crisp white sheet. It still had the creases in it from being folded.

I looked at the doctor and nodded as tears began to swell up in my eyes. I was crying before I was even sure it was him. I guess my soul knew. I was standing there waiting to see the face of a man that I wasn’t sure was my husband, but it’d felt as if a part of me was dead. As if I’d lost half myself; so I guess in a way my soul did know.

As the doctor pulled back the sheet it felt as if I’d stepped out of myself and I was watching me watch the doctor pull back the sheet. I watched myself as the face was revealed and my entire body went limp. I watched as I crumbled to the floor unable to feel my legs. I watched as cries beyond pain, beyond hurt, beyond understanding shot out of me as an emotion I wasn’t sure of how to express. Questions flooded my head. Reality seemed unmatched and unattainable. Assurance was gone and anything that made sense no longer existed.

This was my love. This was my soul mate. He was a being who didn’t deserve this. He and I were us but with him gone I’m just I now.

The smell of burning grease on the curling iron brought me back to reality. I shook my head as my eyes focused on the one starring in the mirror. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to hurt. One day you’ll be happy, but deal with this feeling first. I repeat these words daily. They help me get through the days when all I can think about is how much I miss you.

2 Short Poems: Displaying My Love for God

To Be Loved By You:

     I don't know where I would be without you. I tell myself I don't deserve you. Your love consumes me and makes me want to please you and no matter how bad I've treated you--

-When I cursed you

-When I cheated spending time with you

-When I even tried to go on without you

     You still remain unchanged and love me for who I am.

Nothing like the love of God.

Stop Playing Yourself:

     You wish upon a star for something you want most

     You wish upon an eyelash for something you can boast

     A flick of a coin in a pond for something you hold dear

     And don't step on the crack or a visit to the chiropractor for your mother will be near

     Good luck should be yours if you gather little trinkets

     And don't split that pole or let a black cat walk in front of you, you may think it

     Forward that text message and that email

     Its a crazy thought but yet you do it without fail

     You put faith in it.

     You drag in hope.

     You put your heart in it.

     A positive outcome will be yours you know...

     Well...STOP!

     The best positive outcome is God!

     The one who can give it all is God!

     The one who can provide simply because He wants to?

     The one who can provide simply because He loves you?

     

     GOD!!

     No false hope.

     No broken promises.

     Just His word.

     Which can be relied on!!

     Love.

     Mercy.

     Forgiveness.

     Grace.

Joy, Love, and Passion

Time is moving faster than I care to admit but I'm joyful.

I look at how far I've come in so little time but I compare my strides to my peers and it seems my strides are not long enough yet, still I am joyful.

I never thought my life could be filled with such love and passion.

The greatness of my worth is not yet recognized, but I'm joyful.

I don't long for things I cannot have or purchase things I know in the long run I won't be able to afford, but I am joyful.

My life is filled with such love and passion.

My joy and my blessings overcome my shortcomings and disarm my lacks.

I feel what I know I want and dream a great dream. I see these dreams as windows to my future. A future so great that it gives me joy. A joy so great that a trip or a short fall means nothing because I know my misstep or accidental folly is temporary. My joy knows no such failure. My God knows no such defeat.

I've seen the life I'm meant to lead and joyfully I will go to it. My great and wondrous future. A life filled with joy, love, and passion.

Perfectly Imperfect - Short Story(Non Series)

“Hey Baby, where you at?” Nick said as he walked in the front door.

“I’m in the kitchen, Babe,” Yawny shouted.

“Hey Baby,” he continued as he made his way from the front door to the kitchen.

“Hey, Nick. What’s gotten into you?”

“I have got some great news!” he said walking into the kitchen as Yawny was cleaning dishes.

“Well spit it out,” Yawny said anxiously awaiting his news and drying off her hands.

Before he said anything he saw movement in the corner of his eye. When he turned in the direction of the movement, he noticed Yawny’s friend, Renee. “Uh, hey Renee.”

“Hey Nick,” Renee said hardly moving her lips.

“What’s the big news, Babe,” Yawny continued.

“Uh, I’ll tell you later. I don’t want to tell you in front of that,” he said referring to Renee.

“See Nick, why did you even have to start? I wasn’t even going to say anything to your goofy, Krusty the Klown, pop tart, turtle head, but you just had to go there.”

“Whoa, did I say anything to you, Licorice Twist? When you going to grow your own hair and stop using the horse’s mane. You know they get cold in the winter too.”

“You went there.”

“Okay, Baby, obviously your kitchen is crowded with termites. Let me know when you get rid of the infestation,” he said as he headed out the backdoor to the backyard.

“I can’t stand you two. You guys argue more than we do,” Yawny said.

“Well, I don’t like him, Yawny.”

“I know.”

“You been with him for four years,”

“I know.”

“And he still has yet to put a ring on your finger.”

“Why are you pressing the issue? It’s my life. It's me and Nick’s relationship. Not yours. Why you so worried?”

“Because of all those hood rats that seem to tag along every time he has a job at the club.”

“Hey Renee, we have went over this. Me and Nick’s relationship is what it is. We have 5 rules.”

“Yeah and they’re dumb. Why live together, sleep together, be together, even utter the words I love you if you’re in an open relationship.”

“Because for Nick and I, it works. It’s better than being lied to, having him sneak behind my back, and then he won’t come home because he’s laid up with someone else.”

“But I couldn’t accept that from my man.”

“And that’s why you’re single.”

“Because I won’t settle for less. I couldn’t live your life Yawny. I really couldn’t. Sometimes, not to sound mean, but I feel sorry for you.”

“Sorry for me? Why?”

“Because you’ve settled and somehow this man has convinced you that this is as good as it gets. Some men still want to be in a monogamous relationship. Some men still want to settle down and raise a family, and some men still believe in that thing called marriage.”

“Renee, I’m not settling. This works for us. This is better than me worrying, crying myself to sleep, and wondering if I’m good enough. We don’t sleep anywhere besides our own bed, we always use protection, we don’t lie about it, we don’t bring anyone to our home, and we always, always come back to each other because this is where the heart is.”

“No girl, you’re playing yaself. I’m convinced. The man gets his cake, ice cream, presents, toys, slumber party, alcohol, and whatever else he wants and you let him.”

“Uh, I get down too.”

“When? Because the last time I checked you were keeping it all for Nick.”

Just then the back door opened and Nick walked back into the kitchen.

“Aw man, you’re still here? Don’t you have some dog to infest with your fleas?”

“Nick, shut up. If anybody has got fleas it’s your ugly butt and from what I hear they’re spreading all over the city.”

Nick didn’t have a comeback this time. Yawny caught it too. “What you mean? You burning?” she asked.

“No, I’m not burning. Just your stupid friend telling her lies again.”

“Lies! Uh huh. Did you forget that I know Mica who works down at the free clinic and she told me that Ni—”

“Renee,” Yawny said stopping her. “Let him tell me.”

“She turned to Nick and waited.”

“Tell you what? If there was something to tell, I would tell you.”

“You know, as open as we are in this relationship, I would hope that you would. You know I find out everything, Nick. Try to hide ya dirt,” she warned and walked out of the kitchen.

“Well, I’m going to leave now. Have a good night, Nicholas,” Renee said as she arrogantly walked away happy with herself.

As Nick stood in the kitchen alone, he thought some unkind words about Renee, before searching around the house for Yawny. He found her in her office working on her computer as usual. He knocked on the door frame to get her attention.

“Can I come in?” he said once she looked in his direction.

“Yeah,” she said still typing on her computer.

“So, are you still curious about my big news?” Nick said avoiding the real situation.

Yawny knew what he was doing. He always did this hoping that she would avoid the real issue, and Yawny being her passive self, would allow him to.

“Yes, Nick. What is your big news?”

“I got a job in Chicago.”

“What?” Yawny shrieked.

“Just a gig. I work every last Saturday of the month at some upscale club.”

“So what does that mean?”

“It means more money, Baby, that’s what it means, and, and, and, we get to go to the Chi every last Saturday.”

Yawny starred at him with all his little boy excitement. She wasn’t happy about this. Why would she be happy about this? All this meant was more women that he could sleep with, in a bigger city and he would get to be away from her, for real. Yawny shook her head.

“What’s wrong?” he said still waiting for her excitement to match his.

“Nothing Nick,” she lied. “I’m happy for you,” she said as she forced a smile.

“Are you really?”

“Yes really,” she said still trying to smile even though she really wanted to walk away from him.

“Good, because I wasn’t going to take the job if you weren’t going to be happy about it.”

He kissed her on the forehead and was headed out of her office to the neighbor’s house.

“Nick,” she said just before he reached the doorway.

“Yes, Babe.”

She wanted to be honest and tell him that she wasn’t happy about it. That she thought him going to Chicago would be the end of them, but instead she said, “How soon will you be starting?”

“Well I’m driving out tomorrow so I can meet with the promoter for the club and set up my station, maybe even talk him into more jobs around the city.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Bye Baby, I’m heading over to Chris’s place.”

She waved him off and placed her hand on her cheek. She ran her hand through her wavy hair before sighing deeply and slouching in her seat.

Hope - Short Story - Part 3 (Final)

Summer seemed to be worse for me when it came to being around Janet and my siblings. I had to do everything for everybody and I was still confused about what “SSS-BIhE calculator” was. Why did Paris do that? Several times I wanted to call my dad and tell him, I want to live with you, but I didn’t have the number. I studied that piece of paper every night. I dreamt about it those letters. I wrote them everywhere and recited them like I was getting ready to star in a play and that was my only line. “SSS-BIhE calculator.” After a month in a half I didn’t even look at the paper anymore. The letters were engraved in my head. Even though I didn’t look at the paper I still carried it with me everywhere. It had gotten just a little wrinkled but it was the closest thing I had to my dad and Paris. The only thing I had.

When Janet would get frustrated with me for no reason at all I would reach my hands in my pocket and squeeze the piece of paper. After a whooping or a slap or something I did even though I didn’t know I did it, I’d hold on to the piece of paper.

One day, Leah was being nice and let me play in her room with her. It was raining outside so she couldn’t play with Tessa. I couldn’t touch anything though. Only look. This particular day was special because she held out a doll that she considered her most favorite doll and she let me hold her. The doll was very pretty and even looked a little like Leah with its curly black hair. I hardly moved while I held the doll. I didn’t want something to happen and then I’d be blamed and wouldn’t be able to play with Leah ever again.

“Hey Chloe, since you don’t have any dolls, I’ll let you have that one if you want it,” Leah said.

I thought I was dreaming. “I can have it for real?”

“Yea. I have plenty of dolls. Next time we play together you can bring your own doll.”

“Wow. Thank you!”

I was admiring my new toy when Alex and Trenton busted into Leah’s room very hyper.

“Leah, Dad’s here look what he got us?”

Alex handed Leah the toy and then Trenton turned to me, “Our dad got one for you too,” he said as he handed me one.

It was a little knick knack doll that stood on a round block. When you pushed the button a string would loosen and the doll would fall limp and when you pushed the button again it would pull the string tight and the doll would straighten back up. It was fun to play with.

“Come on, Leah. Dad is ready to go,” Trenton said.

“Bye Chloe,” they all said in unison.

“Bye,” I said back as they left me in the middle of Leah’s room holding my new doll and the limp doll.

Leah returned seconds later telling me to get out of her room. As I stood up to leave my piece of paper fell out of my pocket.

“Hey, what is this?” Leah said as she picked up the piece of paper.

I immediately reached in my pocket hoping that that piece of paper wasn’t my piece of paper but when my pocket was empty I knew I was gonna be in for it.

“Hey, Chloe what does this mean?”

She was nice. “Uh, I don’t know.”

“Did your dad give it to you?” she asked.

“Yea,” I lied “But I don’t know what it means.”

She studied the paper really hard examining it for a really long time and then she said, “I got it.”

She went over to a box that kept her school things inside. She reached in and pulled out a calculator. Using the calculator she typed in some numbers and then turned it upside down. “Oh,” she said disappointed.

“What?”

“I thought it would spell out a word but it’s just a bunch of numbers.”

“Let me see,” I said.

She showed me the calculator and the numbers read 555-8143. Of course I thought remembering the hello that Paris spelled out on my calculator.

“Do you know what it means?” Leah asked.

I shook my head.

“Oh well. Here you go,” she said handing me back my piece of paper.

I took it from her and we both left out of her room together. I placed the piece of paper back in my pocket and carried my new toys to my couch. I finally had a doll to sleep with at night. Just as I was placing the doll on the couch a loud smack sounded and my back began to burn.

“What are you doing with Leah’s doll?”

“She gave it to me,” I said as I tried to hold back tears.

“You’re lying.”

“No, she really did give it to me.”

“Go put it back in her room.”

“But—”

SMACK. I didn’t even get the words out before her back hand stung across my face. “What did I say? And don’t you dare talk back to me.”

I broke and Janet was pleased. She lived to see me cry. She lived to see me suffer. She lived to make sure I didn’t.

I slowly crept back into Leah’s room and placed the doll back on Leah’s bed. When Leah gets back she will give me back the doll and Janet will see that she was wrong, I thought.

I was wrong. Leah came home, seen the doll on her bed, and didn’t say a work. It was then that I knew I had to get out of here. Everyone in this house was against me. They were bred to hate me and no matter what I did they would always hate me. I had to get out of here. Sometime in the near future I would be using my dad’s number and as I laid on the couch in the dark I smiled. A real genuine smile because I knew, finally I would be happy.

Hope - Short Story - Part 2

Two months past and I hadn’t heard from or seen my dad. Every morning I woke up, I told myself that today was the day that he’d show up and ask me again. This time I’d say yes. I wouldn’t even think about it. Things had to be better living with him then staying here. After a week everything went back to normal. The upper hand I seemed to gain completely dissipated and what little friendship I had in my siblings seemed non-existent. Occasionally, Leah would play dolls with me, but only until Janet would call her away. She mostly played with the neighbor girl, Tessa, and they would tease me. No matter how much they tried to make me cry, I wouldn’t. Not in front of them anyway.

On the last day of school I had made cards for all my teachers. I had one for my art teacher, my gym teacher, the principal, my music teacher, and the nurse who had cleaned up a scrape I got when I fell on the black top. When the last bell rang I went to all the classes to give them their cards. Ms Renee was so grateful that she gave me a purple calculator. She knew purple was my favorite color.

When I was finished, I walked out the doors to join my siblings who were waiting for Janet to pick us up. Just as I was walking out I saw her pull off. I couldn’t believe my eyes at first. She wouldn’t leave me, but then I thought well its Janet. Of course she’ll leave you. I watched as her tan brown mini-van disappeared at the end of the road.

At first I panicked. I didn’t know how I was going to get home, but then I immediately calmed down. I knew the way home and even if I had to walk all the way there I was just going to have to do it. I wish I knew my dad’s number. I could call him and have him come rescue me. “Uh rescue you, Chloe. What are you some damsel in distress?” I said to myself. “Chill out on the fairy tales, dummy.”

I sighed seeing the long stretch of road in front of me. “Step one. Take the first step,” I said again to myself. I was going to turn this into a game. A fantastic journey. I was going to enjoy this time by myself and the upside was if I wasn’t home, I wouldn’t have to do any chores. No sooner had I thought that that my stomach growled. Great. I was hungry, with no food, no money, and at least an hour or two away from home.

“Hey Chloe,” a girl yelled to me. It was Deanna. She was kind of my friend but she only played with me when the other girls were mean to her.

“Hi Deanna,” I said.

“Where is your sister?”

“She left already,” I said nonchalant.

“Without you? Isn’t your mom going to be mad?”

“Well I had something I had to do after school so I told her it was okay,” I lied.

“Oh. Well when you get home can you give her these cookies?” she said as she held out a baggie full of chocolate chip cookies. “I was supposed to give them to her at lunch but I forgot.”

“Yes, I can.” My mouth began to salivate as I thought about eating the entire bag.

“You can have one if she says its okay,” she said as she skipped away in the opposite direction. Deanna always walked home. Her house was at the end of the block across the street from the school and she always had a lunch box full of homemade goodies. You wanted to be her friend just to see what type of lunch you could swap with her.

I held the twisted part of the bag tight in my fist as I held the straps of my backpack and began my long journey home. The smell of the cookies seeped through the bag and into my nose. I rationalized again and again that it was wrong to eat Leah’s cookies and more than likely Deanna would ask her how she liked them and Leah would know that I didn’t give them to her and that would be cause for a whooping. I stopped once I reached the corner and took off my backpack to stuff the cookies deep inside where they would be out of sight.

Just as I was about to cross the street a black Cadillac pulled up in front of me and stopped. The passenger window rolled down and a very pretty woman starred back at me. She had jet black curly hair and milk chocolate colored skin. Her skin was flawless and she was beautiful. She was the beauty I wanted to be when I grew up.

For what seemed like a long time she just looked at me with very sad eyes. I just stood there. I didn’t know what she wanted.

“Hi Chloe,” she finally said.

Startled, I said the only thing I could think of. “How do you know my name?”

“Your dad told me.”

“My dad?” I smiled a little.

“Yes. Do you want to get in?”

“I’m not supposed to take rides from strangers.”

“Okay. Well how bout I get out and walk with you, is that alright?”

I shrugged. I really didn’t know. I wasn’t taught this part.

“Okay, well let me park and I’ll come back.”

I waited and watched as she drove a short distance to the next house and parked. When she got out she was tall. Much taller than Janet and she was prettier too. She wore dark colored jeans and a white ruffled blouse. I expected someone as fancy looking as her to have high heels but she was wearing sneakers. I watched as her curls bounced as she walked and the smile that came across her face as she came closer to me.

“Okay Chloe,” she said once she was standing next to me, “where are we headed?”

“Home,” I said.

“Oh. Okay. Well you lead the way and I’ll follow.”

We walked for a block without saying anything. I don’t know if she was nervous or if she really was going to follow me all the way home. I don’t think she knew how long the walk was going to be.

“What’s that you got in your hand?” she said breaking the silence.

Without saying a word I showed her the calculator.

“I like the color. Is purple your favorite color?” she asked.

I nodded.

“I like purple too. Especially purple flowers.”

I smiled. She was being a grownup. A weird one at that.

“Do you know what the color purple means?” she asked.

I shook my head.

“It means royalty and peace of mind.”

I stopped. “What does peace of mind mean?”

“It means you’re happy. You don’t have anything in the world to worry about.”

“Oh! Well, what color means the opposite of what purple means?”

She kneeled down next to me. “I don’t know, maybe gray.”

“Well that’s me then. My favorite color should be gray.”

“Oh honey,” she said reaching out her hands to give me a hug. I backed away.

For a while we just stood there. I could tell she was looking at me even though my eyes were focused on the sidewalk.

“Can I show you a trick with your calculator?” she finally said.

I nodded and handed the calculator to her.

She typed some numbers into the machine and then handed it back to me. The numbers read 0.7734. I was confused. “What does this mean?”

“Turn it upside down,” she said with a wink.

I did and the numbers perfectly spelled out the word hello. I was amazed. “Wow. Can you do any others?”

She laughed. “No, that’s the only one I know. Maybe you can practice and then teach me some.”

“Okay,” I said feeling good that she actually wanted me, a kid, to teach her, a grownup, something. I smiled and then a thought came into my head. Who was this woman?

“How do you know my dad?”

“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you my name. I’m Paris. I thought he said he mentioned me.”

“You’re Paris!”

“It’s me, in the flesh.”

“Oh. You’re cool.”

“Thanks,” she smiled.

Again it was silent. I didn’t know what else to say. She starred at me as I looked at the rocks on the sidewalk. I stepped on one feeling like a giant that could crush anything but the rock remained. Even after I pressed my entire weight on top of it, it still remained solid. I grew frustrated with it and kicked it. Ha. Not so tough now, I thought.

“What do you say we go for that ride now, huh, since we’re not strangers anymore? We can go to my house and I’ll make you some cookies.”

“Cookies?” I said and then I remembered Leah’s cookies in my bag. “No, I have to get home.”

“Well then let me give you a ride. Seems like an awfully long way for you to walk.”

How does she know? “You promise, just a ride?”

“I promise.”

“Okay then.”

She reached out her hand and I grabbed it as we walked back to her car. The car was big and roomy and she let me ride in the front seat. I never get to ride in the front seat because one of my brother’s would always claim it. I don’t think I would be allowed to ride in the front seat anyway.

“Thanks for giving me a ride,” I said to break the silence.

“No problem. You’re your dad’s daughter and I’m his wife so we have to stick together, right?”

“Right,” I said chuckling. This lady was completely crazy.

“Hey, Chloe, I wanted to tell you something.”

“What?”

“Your dad loves you very much. He talks about you all the time. From the moment I met him, it was his passion for you that made me fall in love with him.”

“Really?”

“No kidding.”

“Wow.”

“He really wants you to come and stay with us. We have a room set up for you and everything full of toys and clothes and a lot of pink stuff.”

“Pink?” I said. “Pink is for Leah. Purple is for me.”

“Who’s Leah?”

“She’s my older sister. She gets a room to herself because she’s more special than me.”

“Who told you she’s more special?”

“Janet did, oh I mean my mom. I call her Janet behind her back because I know it makes her mad but she’s mean to me so this is my way of being mean back.”

“How is she mean to you?”

“Because Leah gets the bows and ribbons and curls and I just get these black rubber bands. She even treats my brothers better than me. I don’t know what I did. I don’t know why she doesn’t love me like she does them.”

“Listen to me, okay Chloe. It’s not your fault, okay. Janet treats you that way because of Janet. Not because of you. You didn’t do anything wrong, okay.”

I said okay but I really didn’t understand what she meant. She pulled up into the driveway and it was then that I realized I didn’t tell her how to get to my house. I let the thought go. I had to get inside quick.

“Hey Chloe,” she said just before I got out of the car.

“Yes.”

“If you need anything, give your dad or me a call okay?” she pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it.

“Okay.”

“And maybe you can reconsider living with us so we can be a family.”

“Okay,” I said with a smile.

I got out of the car with a little jump from the seat. As I walked inside the house, Janet was standing right by the door with a switch.

“Was that your father?” she said as if she’d be scared of the answer.

I knew he had a power that could make her treat me differently so I lied. “Yes, that was him.”

“Where were you after school?”

“I was giving cards to my teachers since I’ll be at a different school next year.”

“Your sister said she looked all over for you.”

“Why did you leave me?” I asked.

“I did not leave you!” she snapped. “I knew your father was coming to get you and I thought you wanted to spend time with him.”

I immediately knew she was lying. I don’t know if I liked having this power because it only made Janet weird and deceitful.

“Oh,” I said as I began walking to the back hall to change out of my school clothes.

“What’s that in your hand?”

“Nothing important,” I lied.

“Well than let me see it?”

“It’s nothing.”

“If it’s nothing than let me see it,” she said as she reached down and snatched it from my hand.

At that moment I was wishing I had went with Paris to her house because if something bad happens I have a place to run to. I watched her as she read the piece of paper and then unexpectedly she gave it back.

“What on earth is that garble-dee-gook?”

I looked at the paper trying to understand what she was talking about. It wasn’t a number at all. What was this Paris had given me? The only thing the piece of paper read was "SSS-BIhE calculator." What in the world was "SSS-BIhE calculator?"

“It’s a game,” I said quickly. It was the only thing I could think of.

“Well take ya game and go on somewhere. Get out of my sight!”

Hope - Short Story - Part 1

            I was an unwanted child. My mother told me to my face. I was the youngest of four children, the results after a shattered marriage, a one-night stand and a broken promise. I knew more hate as a four year old than I thought anyone should ever know. It’s hard to figure wanting love from someone who looks at you with more hate and frustration than they would an animal.

Pleasing my mother was inconceivable but I always did what she told me and did it to my best ability. At six-years-old I was doing the cooking and cleaning. I made the beds, picked up the rooms, and scrubbed the house to keep it as clean as possible. Mother did not approve of anything on her sandy brown carpet and dust was a definite cause for a whipping.

We lived in a small, three bedroom, ranch style home. Mother got her own room. My two brothers shared a room and my older sister got her own room complete with toys and plenty of clothes. I got the living room couch and a small closet off the end of the hall by the bathroom. Only one time did I question my mother on why I couldn’t share the room with Leah, just to meet with the back of her hand across my face. She didn’t have an explanation. She just said that I was ungrateful.

On weekends, my siblings would go with their father and get ice cream and toys. He invited me one time, but Mother wouldn’t let me go. “She’s not your daughter and you don’t need to treat her like she is,” she said to him. I smiled when he rolled his eyes and waved her off. I thought of him as a very strong man. He was the only person in the world who could soften my mother. Make her weak. I liked him.

These weekends were the days that Mother seemed a bit nicer to me. Not too much nicer but she never yelled. I didn’t understand this. Still don’t. I just enjoyed it. The weekend after my 8^th birthday, she asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her. I was so excited. The feeling was short lived when she told me that it was for Leah, Trenton, and Alex. She told me I could have Leah’s old clothes.

“I don’t want Leah’s old clothes. I want new clothes too,” I whined.

Before I realized my mistake she snatched me up by my arm so fast. The squeeze from her grip made my skin burn but the look she gave me made me fear her more than the devil.

“Fine!” she snapped. “I’ll give away Leah’s clothes to the neighbor girl and you won’t get anything,” she said as she pushed me away from her as hard as she could.

I lost my balance and fell hard on my butt knocking my head into an end table leg. I blacked out for just a moment, but when I came to, she was gone. I got up as quick as I could only to be met by a dizzy feeling which made me crumble back down to the floor. I crawled on my hands and knees to the door searching in the driveway for the car but I only managed to pass out once again.

When I woke up again, there was a strange man looking over me. He was handsome. His eyebrows were low on his forehead and very well defined. His eyes were dark brown and wide kind of like mine. He had small freckles on his light brown skin and a nice smile. No one ever smiled at me like he did. I instantly thought it was God and I felt the biggest since of relief. “You finally came for me,” I heard myself say.

“Yes I did,” he said back.

“What took you so long?”

He chuckled, “I think she’s going to be okay, Janet.”

My eyes opened wider. Janet? Why was my momma in heaven? I immediately sat up as straight as I could without feeling as if I was going to pass out. I realized I was only on the couch still in my house. Mom sat on the arm rest by my feet and the stranger sat on the couch next to me.

“Whoa. Calm down pumpkin. Where are you going?”

“Nowhere. I don’t think.”

“How did you hit your heard?” he asked.

I looked at mom and then quickly back to him. “Umm, I was…”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Who are you?” I said to the stranger.

He smiled again, “I’m someone who has wanted to meet you for the last eight years.”

I looked at him still waiting for an answer. I didn’t understand his round about way of telling me who he was. I needed a name or a place of familiarity. I needed something to grasp. He must have noticed my discontent with his answer and said, “I’m your dad.”

My mind said whoa but the rest of me was frozen solid. I didn’t know how to respond to that; how to respond to him.

“Well aren’t you going to say something?” he said giving me a little poke on my side. It tickled.

“Umm, what do you want?”

His smile faded away and he cleared his throat. “Uh, well,” he looked back at my mom and then back to me. “I want you to come live with me.”

I looked at my mom as she was unmoved by his request.

“My wife and I want you to come live with us,” he corrected himself.

Still she remained unaffected as if she was hoping I’d say yes.

“What’s your wife’s name?” I asked. The question was completely irrelevant, but I wanted to know if her name was pretty. Prettier than my mom’s.

“Uh, Paris,” Dad said.

“Oh,” I responded. It wasn’t prettier but it was definitely more elegant. It flowed off the tongue when you said it, “Paris,” I repeated.

“So what do you say sweetheart?

Just as I went to answer, Mom walked away wrapping her hands around her neck as if suddenly feeling distraught. She does want me. I thought.

“Thanks for the offer, sir, but I have to stay here.”

I looked at mother and seen her shoulders slump. I didn’t know if it was because she was relieved or disappointed. I told myself it was because she was relieved. She wouldn’t want me to go. She loves me.

My dad looked at me confused and searched my face for sarcasm. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes. I’m sure.” I put my feet on the floor and walked over towards Mom. “Mom, can I go outside and play?”

“Yes, you may.”

I left out the front door, down the porch steps and hid on the other side of the porch. I wanted to hear if they were going to talk about me.

“Are you sure she should be running around already?” I heard my father say.

“I told you she wouldn’t leave me. She loves me,” my mother said completely ignoring his concern.

“As a child should,” my father responded. “But she needs to know her daddy too. It’s not fair that the other children get to spend time with their father and she doesn’t have one in her life.”

“You left!” my mother yelled.

“You didn’t want me and now my own daughter doesn’t want me.”

“I’m not going to discuss this with you, Parker. Stop bringing up the past every time I see you.”

“If I ever say anything about the past it’s because you lie about it. Forget it. Forget it all, but I will have my daughter. It’s not like you want her anyway. You just use her to get back at me. I love that kid and for eight years I have wanted nothing more than to be a part of her life. What if I hadn’t come? Who knows what would have happened to her and where were you? How did she get hurt anyway? Huh? What kind of person—”

“I don’t need you judging me. I do the best I can with all my children. I was gone. I don’t know how the child hurt herself.”

“You shouldn’t have left her, Janet. Mark my words, woman, I will have my child. She belongs with me.”

“It’s her decision, but she’ll always choose me.”

 I heard footsteps walking towards the door. Just then the screen flung open and he walked onto the porch and down the steps. I watched as he got into his car, a shiny black Cadillac, and drove off.

“Chloe!” my mother yelled.

I immediately perk up from my hiding spot and ran back inside the house.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said as I entered the house.

“Sit your behind on that couch,” she snapped.

Back to the old Janet, I thought as I did as I was told. I immediately wished I had said yes to the stranger, no matter how weird it may have seemed.

“Now, I’m heading back to the mall. Don’t do anything to knock yourself out this time. I don’t need people calling me in the middle of traffic telling me you’re unconscious. What kind of mother does that make me look like?”

“But it was because you pushed me into the table,” I said feeling strong and brave for some reason.

“Don’t you talk back to me,” she said as she rushed towards me with a raised hand. I was sure she was going to strike, but she didn’t. Instead to put her hand down and said, “Don’t you dare talk back to me ever again!”

This was the part where I was supposed to say ‘yes ma’am’ but I didn’t. I didn’t want to. None of the other children did so I didn’t want to anymore. Things were going to change. For some reason it felt that I had gain some power, but the only way to keep it was if Parker, my dad, wanted me.

Janet grew sick of waiting for my response and snatched up my chin, “Aren’t you suppose to say something.”

“I won’t,” I said.

“You won’t what?”

“I won’t talk back anymore,” I said and snatched my chin away from her grip.

She stood there for a while. Froze. I could feel her trying to make a decision to correct me or to hit me. I didn’t look at her. I just waited to see what the outcome would be. Finally she was walking away and for some reason I got a crazy idea to ask her a fanatical question. “Hey Mom,” I said.

“What!” she snapped.

“Do you think you can give me, Parker’s, um, my dad’s telephone number?”

“Ha!” she laughed. “You should’ve asked him for it while he was here,” she said as she continued out the door.

I had to find some way to get that number. Who knew how long my upper hand would last. Things couldn’t go back to the way they were especially since things were finally looking up.